even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
