He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
is wine microwaveable?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize