Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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