Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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