i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
