singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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