Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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