Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
