you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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