i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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