Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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