WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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