and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
