I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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