I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
