Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
