I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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