Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
