Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
