doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
