who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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