I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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