He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
