the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
