Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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