my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
