I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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