Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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