you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
