After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
