thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
