Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
