Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
