I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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