I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
