Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
