I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
