HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
