It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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