these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
