Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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