They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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