I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
