it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
