It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
