ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
