After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
