Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
