you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
