I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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