i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
