I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
