I got chris browned last night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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