literally had 100 drinks last night.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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