Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
