Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
