I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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