I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
