remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
