She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
