if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
